


A Bunch Of Asuka/Rei Drabbles

by Xairathan



Category: Neon Genesis Evangelion
Genre: F/F
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2016-11-30
Updated: 2018-02-14
Packaged: 2018-09-03 06:24:04
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 15
Words: 13,516
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/8700898
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Xairathan/pseuds/Xairathan
Summary: A collection of all my oneshots/drabbles about the pair. May be updated periodically.





	1. Freckles

**Author's Note:**

> I'll be updating this from time to time with stuff I wrote that's too short to be a oneshot but decent enough to post.

It’s no secret the Second Child has freckles, but it’s not until a hot day in the middle of autumn that Rei finds out exactly how many dot Asuka’s body. They’re in the locker rooms changing out of their plugsuits after yet another synchronization test; Asuka is ranting about Shinji’s climbing synch ratio yet again and Rei keeps catching herself staring.

“I don’t get how he can be better than me. Me! He beat me without ever getting into an EVA before! Don’t you realize how embarrassing this is?”

Rei ignores Asuka as usual, though she can’t stop her eyes from wandering to the side and catching a glimpse of Asuka’s back as she depressurizes her suit. God only knows how Asuka would react if she caught Rei peeking, but so far she hasn’t- and Rei intends to keep it that way.

“I swear, there’s some sort of favoritism going on here. I mean, how’d you become a pilot anyway? Ask Commander Ikari nicely enough times, Wondergirl?”

Asuka slides her plugsuit off her body and throws it angrily in her locker, muttering in German beneath her breath. Rei’s gaze slides over again, taking advantage of Asuka’s state of distraction- and Rei pauses, turning her head. She’s seen Asuka naked before- and she blushes at the possible implications of that statement- but she’s never quite noticed how _different_ Asuka’s skin is from hers. Hers is pale, almost sickly; Asuka’s is sun-kissed and toned, with speckles of brown scattered everywhere. _It’s beautiful,_ Rei thinks, and immediately shoves that thought away, depressurizing her own plugsuit. She’s behind today. Normally it would be her that leaves Asuka in mid-rant; instead, Asuka threatens to depart, no doubt to accost Shinji on the train back up to the surface. Rei wonders if Asuka and Shinji have ever held hands during that ride, how it would feel like to hold Asuka’s hand and feel the fire pulsing just beneath her skin.

A sudden quiet calls Rei’s attention back to the present. The usual sounds of Asuka getting dressed are gone. Rei looks up, and piercing blue eyes stare back, slightly narrowed, their owner glaring accusingly at her from across the room. “Got something to say, Wondergirl?” The edges of her lips curve up into a smirk as she grabs her school uniform from her locker and casually tosses it over her shoulder. “Jealous that Shinji likes _this_ better than he likes you?”

When Rei fails to respond, Asuka’s self-assured smirk becomes a scowl, and she turns back to her locker, slamming it shut with a vicious slap of her hand. “I don’t know why I bother talking to you sometimes,” she growls, hastily scrambling into her skirt. “You never talk back, anyway. You just do whatever you’re told and agree with whatever you’re told to agree with; you’re just a stupid, mindless little- _what are you doing?!_ ”

Rei flinches, drawing back the hand that had been skimming lightly across Asuka’s back. It takes her a few moments to find her voice again, her usual cold confidence wavering under Asuka’s fury. “Looking,” she finally answers.

“I’d say that was more like _touching,_ ” Asuka replies, the last word coming out as two clipped syllables. “I thought Commander Ikari would’ve taught you better manners than that.”

“Why do you hide these?”

“The hell are you going on about, Wondergirl?”

“These.” Rei lifts her hand to Asuka’s skin, only for her to slap it away, suppressing a snarl.

“What’s it matter to you? It’s not your problem. Unless you think it’d be funny to have everyone laugh at me. Is that what you’re after?”

“Why would anyone laugh?” asks Rei, her voice soft but sincere. “They’re beautiful.”

“They… what?” The facade of aggression falls away, replaced by pure confusion. Asuka doesn’t react as Rei’s hand rests on her shoulder, fingers wandering across the portions with fewer markings. “Y-you… you’re just saying that.”

“Why would I lie?”

“Because- I don’t know, maybe you would! What’ve you ever done that should make me believe you?”

Rei’s brow furrows, the first hint of emotion Asuka’s seen her display. It’s obvious she’s hesitating, and Asuka wants to jerk away, to leave the room and immensely confusing First Child and go back to Misato’s apartment. But she stays, kept there by curiosity and a desperate need for validation, even if that validation comes from her rival.

“So?” asks Asuka, her voice a hushed tremor. “Got anything to say for yourself?” Her question is met with silence. “No? I didn’t think so. I don’t know what I was expecting.”

Asuka turns away, her shirt clenched tightly in her hands, and that’s when Rei moves forward, pressing her lips to an especially freckle-laden portion of Asuka’s cheek. “Was that sufficient?” she asks, a low current of worry creeping into her tone.

“You’re-” Asuka starts, and pauses. _You’re what? Weird? Messed up? Admit it, Asuka. You enjoyed that._ “If you really mean it, do it again,” she orders. “But if you’re just messing around, I’ll-”

Her threat goes unfinished, as Rei chooses that moment to wrap her arm around Asuka’s neck and kiss her again, lingering this time over her flushed skin as if awaiting another command. “Do you believe me now?” she whispers, her warm breath drawing a faint sigh from Asuka’s lips.

“Maybe. What brought this on, Won- Ayanami?”

“It needed to be said.”

“But you meant it. Right?”

“Of course I did.” Rei smiles softly, and Asuka’s heart inexplicably skips a beat as she grins back.  

“We should… probably finish up here,” Asuka says reluctantly. “If we take too long, Shinji might come wandering in here looking for us.”

“If he does, please do not kick him in the face.”

“Who said I was going to do that?”

“You are very easy to read, if one knows what to look for.”

“Yeah?” Asuka ducks away from Rei and leans up against the lockers, folding her arms. “So what am I saying now?”

“That the locker is more uncomfortable than you thought.”

“What? W-well yeah, it is, but that wasn’t what I meant!”

Rei finishes tying the ribbon on her uniform and glances at Asuka. “I’ll give you another when you’re done.” Asuka turns a brilliant shade of red and all but jams her shirt over her head, wriggling her arms through the sleeves and looking expectantly at Rei.

“There. Done. Good?”

“You forgot something.”

“You’re impossible.” Asuka grabs the red ribbon from her pocket, slinging it around her neck and fumbling with it  "Impossible, insufferable, hardly tolerable-“

"You don’t mean that.” Rei steps forward, taking Asuka’s hands in hers, slowly guiding her through the motions. “You’re smiling.”

“Because you’re making me smile.”

Rei finishes off the knot on Asuka’s bow and leans in, her hands still clasped around Asuka’s. “Is that a problem?”

Asuka doesn’t reply, but turns her head to meet Rei’s lips with her own, earning a surprised noise from Rei. She draws back, her gaze questioning, when there’s a knock on the door and Shinji’s voice rings out from the other side, calling for Asuka.

“Mood-killer,” the redhead complains, quickly grabbing her bag from the floor. “He’s gonna hear about this later.”

“He means well,” says Rei.

“Means well and has timing worse than the Angels. Ready, Ayanami?”

Rei tucks her schoolbag under one arm as Asuka storms over to the door. Just before she throws it open, Asuka stops, releasing the handle and walking back over to Rei. She hesitates before extending a hand, seeking the other pilot’s approval, and when Rei nods, Asuka seems to droop with relief. Their fingers lace together with surprising ease, as if they’ve practiced this motion a hundred times before, and it’s just as warm as Rei’s always imagined it to be.


	2. Band-Aids

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Rei is clumsy, Asuka loves her for it just as much.

Asuka carries a box of band-aids in her bag.   
  
They aren’t for her- Asuka doesn’t go down easily, and scrapes don’t bother her. “They heal faster in open air,” she says, and lets them scab over, so if someone is feeling particularly courageous they can ask her what happened.   
  
Rei is a different story. Maybe it’s bad luck, maybe it’s a curse (the same one that gave her red eyes and blue hair, perhaps?), but Rei can’t seem to go a month without tripping over something. She’ll fall against Asuka when they’re together, or sometimes Asuka will catch her by the wrist and give her that glare that says _be careful_ , but even then there’s misses. Rei’s sneaker will snag on a rise in the pavement, or she’ll miss a step going down the stairs of her house.   
  
Today, she’s slipped on some gravel and banged her knee against the concrete. Asuka guides her to the nearest bench, insistent that Rei lean against her- she will not let Rei fall again- and sits her down upon it. Her bag hits the ground, and out comes the box of band-aids, prompting a soft sigh from Rei.   
  
“Is there ever a day when you don’t have those?” she asks.   
  
Asuka shakes her head. “Never.” She’s gotten used to checking for them before she leaves for school. It’s part of her routine; before she grabs the house keys, and after she finds her phone, she checks her bag for that box. This time the band-aids are a light blue, the color of Rei’s hair. Asuka found them in a store once, and bought all five that stood on the shelf. “Stop moving around,” she says, her hand cupping the back of Rei’s knee. “I can’t put it on when you move.”   
  
“But it tickles.” Rei wrinkles her nose, watching Asuka peel the plastic tabs away. “You know I can put it on myself, Asuka.”   
  
“I don’t trust you. You’ll probably fall off the bench and hit your head.”   
  
“I will not,” protests Rei, but she stills herself long enough for Asuka to smooth both sides of the band-aid against her skin and sit back, palms warming on the concrete.   
  
“There.” Asuka looks up, a smile touching her face. “We’ll clean it off when we get to your place. You can walk, right?”   
  
“I don’t know,” Rei says dubiously. “I might need you to kiss it and make it better first.”   
  
“Don’t be so dramatic. That’s my job.” Asuka stands, extends a hand for Rei to take. “Better get going, or no more kisses for you.”   
  
Rei nods, her pale fingers slipping between Asuka’s like this is a practiced gesture, and not one that sends her heart fluttering every time it happens. Asuka squeezes once, pressing their palms together, until it seems there is no more space between their hands to be wrung out.


	3. Disgusting

It truly is disgusting, the way Rei stares out the window every single day without fail. Asuka isn’t sure what she hates more about that little habit of Rei’s: that Rei somehow manages A’s on every test despite never paying attention, or that Rei remains the only purpose in class who hasn’t yet looked her way. Even Kaworu, 200% gay (the extra 100% coming from Shinji), has looked at her once or twice over the course of the school year. But not Rei. Never Rei, something tells her.

Of course it’s even more distasteful how Rei makes her act. Asuka’s tried everything to catch her attention short of jumping in front of Rei or something equally drastic, and even then there would be no guarantee that Rei would acknowledge her beyond a blinking of those red eyes, whose specific shade Asuka refuses to admit is her favorite color. Everything about Rei and what Asuka feels for her fits snugly into the bundle of emotions called ‘loathing’, and when she finds her gaze beginning to inch towards Rei during this thought process she wrenches it back. (Every time she does this, she always looks back).

Rei is still looking out the window.

Red flushes Asuka’s cheeks, burning warm with embarrassment or something else.

It’s disgusting; both herself and Rei, and if Asuka loves herself then of course she must love Rei equally so, or more.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I wrote this when I had a headache. I don't even know.


	4. You Care, And It Shows

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> AU in which Asuka is a cheerleader and Rei is captain of the basketball team.

-I-

This year, the cheer team will have to share a gym. Because budget cuts, Asuka remembers the coach saying. She rolls her eyes and instructs her teammates to warm up without her- she will seek out the basketball captain and give them a piece of her mind. Nothing will stop her, not even finding out the captain she’s looking for is Rei Ayanami, the girl whose longest sentence on record is ten words long. How she got the position is anyone’s guess- but when Asuka tells Rei she doesn’t want to lose her voice yelling, Rei nods and replies with a simple, “Okay.”

For that day the only sounds Asuka has to shout over are the squeaking of sneakers and the bouncing of basketballs. When both teams break for a drink Asuka finds herself straining to hear across the gym, listening for the soft sound of Rei’s voice. But even in the moments of quiet she hears nothing, and the news that her team can practice outside brings only a sense of satisfaction that falls far short of joy and fades all too soon.

-II-

“I forgot my phone,” Asuka says. It sounds strange to her ears, empty. But what other reason could she have to excuse her presence in the locker rooms half an hour after practice had ended? And how else would she escape from this strange standoff with Rei? Rei, who hasn’t moved since Asuka turned the corner and nearly stumbled into her. Asuka’s fingers tighten on the case of her phone. “Your first game is next week, right?” she asks. Of course it is, she thinks a moment later. The cheer squad will be there. “Well, good luck.”

Asuka steps past and leaves the locker room, wondering why she’d been so chatty. It isn’t like her. Then again, it isn’t like her to sneak into the locker rooms for… why had she done that again? It couldn’t have been because she hoped to see Rei. It’s not. She had forgotten her phone, and that was all.

(She hadn’t).

-III-

The last performance of the night; the easy one. By now all the motions should be automatic, routine. Asuka finds her head rotating as she scales the pyramid of arms and legs, seeking out something. Shinji’s face in the crowd; no. Rei, running along the sidelines? Rei, who will never spare Asuka a glance whether she is on or off the court- not that she has a reason to. That can’t be it. Asuka feels her stomach sinking; the arms that support her are gone; she is falling-

She’s forgotten to spread her arms and legs to make herself more catchable. Asuka’s head snaps back hard against the gymnasium floor. There are bright lights and voices, her teammates swarming above her to make sure she’s alright. She hears Hikari pushing her way through the mass of bodies to check on Asuka. Through a gap in the legs around her Asuka sees the players running by. Rei still doesn’t look over. Asuka still feels like she’s falling.

-IV-

They think she has a concussion. Asuka, yelling instructions from where the coach is making her sit out, thinks it’s something worse. She fell, she thinks. And this time the cause is definitely Rei. Asuka’s eyes wander to the open back door of the gym. If she angles her head just right she can see the girls’ team scrimmaging the boys.

In retrospect, maybe it’s a good idea that everyone thinks Asuka’s a bit confused. At least that’s what Asuka tells herself when Sakura Suzuhara wanders over and asks if she’s been ogling the guys. Asuka bobs her head complacently, ignoring the butterflies in her stomach. So that’s why she hasn’t been paying attention all practice, Sakura laughs, and Asuka knows then that she will never tell Sakura the truth.

-V-

When it’s time for the next game, Asuka makes sure she isn’t looking at Rei. Getting distracted would be one thing. Being caught staring is another thing entirely. But when she’s sitting with her legs folded nearly beneath her, watching the players run by, she thinks she might have seen Rei looking over from her seat on the bench. Asuka turns away, pretending to say something to Sakura. She’s imagined it, she tells herself. There’s no way Rei would look at her.

She maintains this thought until the buzzer sounds, and only then does it register that they- Rei’s team, Asuka thinks- has lost. Sakura’s arm fastens around hers; Sakura is talking into Asuka’s ear, asking if she’s really over that concussion of hers. Of course she is, Asuka says, trying to look back over her shoulder.

It could be Rei’s eyes that shine back at her from across the court, or just the reflection of the shot clock off the gym bleachers.

-VI-

Asuka hadn’t expected anyone else to still be in the gym. From the look on Rei’s face as she steps out of the locker room, Asuka guesses her own presence is equally unexpected. Asuka looks up from the half-rolled mat on the floor, crossing her arms over her chest.

Rei shifts from side to side, her shoes squeaking on the floor. “Are you alright?” she asks. Asuka sucks in a breath, feels it all snag in her throat when Rei adds, “Your head.”

“Oh. Yeah.” Asuka coughs, trying to free her voice from the stranglehold she’s suddenly found it in. “Didn’t know you noticed.”

“I heard from someone. That’s… good.”

Rei’s eyes drift to the exit. Of course she’d want to leave, Asuka thinks; this is Rei, and Asuka wonders why she’d ever thought that maybe Rei was going to stay with her until she’d finished cleaning up. But Rei’s voice, that sound- she wants to hear it again. “Rei!” she calls.

Rei pauses, half facing the doors. “I’m sorry you lost,” Asuka says. “I get it. It sucks.”

She doesn’t know what she expected, a reply, or maybe just a nod. But Rei leaves without doing anything, and when she’s gone the butterflies in Asuka’s stomach become burning coals.

-VII-

Sakura pulls Asuka aside after practice one day. “Hey,” she says. “Can I ask you something?”

“You just did.”

Sakura giggles; a moment later she’s glancing around nervously as she leans closer. “So, did you and Rei get into like, some sort of fight?” she asks. “Because she keeps looking over here a lot. It’s kinda freaking me out.”

“We haven’t fought,” Asuka replies, glaring into the gym. “Yet. I’ll take care of it.”

She waits until practice is over and everyone else has gone to go to the locker room. She has no plan in mind, not when the door slams shut behind her and Rei whirls around in surprise, not when she stands just a few inches away from Rei. “Soryu? What are you doing?”

There it is, Asuka thinks, that voice she’s been longing to hear. She lifts shaking fingers to the edge of Rei’s lips, rests them there. Rei’s eyes flick down to Asuka’s hand and back up. “Soryu?”

“Are you afraid?” asks Asuka. She watches Rei blink slowly, the slight shake of her head. And when Asuka leans down, touching her mouth to Rei’s, the other girl doesn’t move away. Rei’s lips stumble clumsily against hers; Asuka grips at the back of her head, tangling her fingers in Rei’s hair. They crash against the lockers and slide down them, Rei’s hands linking behind Asuka’s neck and pulling her closer. She kisses like an amateur, Asuka thinks, and then Rei’s teeth are tugging at her lip and Asuka lets out a little gasp that sounds so unlike her.

Then all too soon Rei is squirming free of Asuka’s hold and standing, straightening the creases that Asuka’s hands have made in her shirt. Her face is flushed; she refuses to meet Asuka’s eyes as she gathers her things and begins to leave the locker room. Asuka stares after her, ignoring the pins in her bent knees and the frantic hammering of her heart. “Be here tomorrow,” Rei says, and the door creaks open. Asuka nods, and doesn’t stop until long after Rei’s gone. As she leaves she catches a glimpse of herself in a mirror, with her hair disheveled and a grin on her face.

-VIII-

The next day, Rei reaches out the door to pull Asuka inside the locker room. The day after that, Asuka goes in herself. It becomes a habit, these meetings; most times Asuka is the one who kisses Rei first, but once or twice she finds herself with the lockers digging into her shoulders and Rei, her hands in Asuka’s hair, pinning her in place. And sometimes they sit together, one across from the other, their faces red, until Rei stands and wordlessly excuses herself.

They don’t speak- Rei will never say much, and Asuka prefers kissing her anyway. But one day a thought catches her with her hand on Rei’s cheek, and Asuka wonders if she will ever show Rei any other side of herself besides this one, this side who commands attention from everyone and to whom tenderness is a stranger. Some day, Asuka hopes she can do this. Today, she kisses Rei against the walls, and as with all their other meetings tries to engrave it into her memories.

-IX-

Asuka blinks the sweat from her eyes and stares at the court, watching Rei run past. Rei won’t look at her now, Asuka knows this, for the same reason she had been unable to look at Rei until her routines were over. The second the buzzer rings, though, Rei’s head snaps up and she zeroes in on Asuka, who’s giving her a thumbs up from the bleachers.

Asuka lingers in the gym after it’s emptied out, waiting for Rei. Sakura finds her pacing the baseline, looking at the locker room every few steps. “Hey,” she says. “Did you lose something?”

“Hm? No. I’m just… waiting.”

“For what?” Sakura peers around the gym, raising an eyebrow at Asuka. “Rei? You know she’ll probably be with her team for a while, right?”

“Yeah. Right.” Asuka waves a hand at Sakura. “Captain’s duties and all.”

“Did you need something from her?”

Yes, Asuka thinks. But she shrugs and walks past Sakura, saying, “I’ll ask her on Monday. Come on.”

She leaves the gym and Rei behind, walking so quickly that Sakura has to jog to keep up.

-X-

Rei is waiting for her in the locker rooms. She’s folded her arms between her, forming a barrier between herself and Asuka. “Where were you?” she asks.

“I left, duh?” Asuka replies. “You were busy.”

“Oh.” Rei looks away, backing against the lockers. “I thought you’d gotten tired of me.”

“And why would you think that?”

“You always do,” says Rei. She must be referring to last year’s string of failed dating attempts, Asuka thinks. It makes her want to laugh, but she doesn’t want to confirm Rei’s doubts and push her away like that. Asuka reaches up with both hands, running her thumbs along Rei’s cheeks.

Rei tilts her head up expectantly, bracing her arms against the lockers. Her lips meet Rei’s, softly this time, surprising them both.

A moment later, Rei begins to hum quietly into the kiss and this, Asuka decides, is her new favorite sound.

-XI-

There are more games, a string of victories indistinguishable from each other, celebrated privately with kisses in the locker room. Little else stands out to Asuka, other than the presence of a banner reading ‘Semi-Finals’ that she notices one day during halftime.

Rei wins, of course. Asuka wouldn’t have picked a loser. She fidgets outside the locker room, trying to look casual as Rei’s teammates all file out in a group. They’re too tired to pay her much attention- which for once is how Asuka wants it. Then Rei comes out, bags slung over one shoulder, and she doesn’t register Asuka’s extended hand for a good few seconds. When she does her already glum face falls. “I have to study tonight,” she says. “Sorry.”

“It’s fine,” says Asuka. “You’re… still interested, right?”

It’s a question that Asuka wishes she could take back; it gives too much away. But Rei nods slowly, shifting her fingers on the straps of her bags like she wishes she was holding Asuka’s hand instead. “Of course,” she says, and leans over. Her lips brush Asuka’s jaw; her eyelids flutter against Asuka’s cheek. “Monday,” she whispers to a stunned Asuka, and leaves.

-XII-

Monday comes, and with it unwelcome news. Basketball practices, Asuka learns, have been extended to prepare for the finals match. And though she’d like to stay, it’s dark outside by the time everyone had changed and left. She doesn’t meet Rei for one week, then two, and the hours after practice seem to stretch on for much longer than they should. But when it’s over, Asuka thinks, Rei will be free again. They will meet up, if Rei is interested (but so will the guys, at least for a few weeks)- and everything will go back to normal. She hopes.

Asuka, lost in thought on the bleachers outside the gym, doesn’t hear someone climbing up next to her. Then a hand slips into hers- warm, soft, vaguely familiar. “Class got out early,” Rei says.

“You knew I’d be here?” asks Asuka.

“I had a feeling.” Rei squeezes Asuka’s hand, and those damn butterflies in her stomach are back.

“You know you’ll have to let go once my team gets here.”

“Yes.”

“…Don’t let go, Rei.”

“…Yes.”

-XIII-

Asuka can’t focus. The cheer routine is like a program embedded in her brain, while the rest of her struggles to process the chaos of the finals game. She’s looking for Rei this time; her eyes would defy her either way, so Asuka tries to watch Rei as much as possible. Maybe, she thinks, it’ll be good luck.

She doesn’t see the moment when Rei falls, but she hears the foul call. When she turns Rei is on her feet-  
not smiling; that’s a privilege only Asuka will have- but she’s determined to play. And she plays, running up and down the court until the final seconds, raising her arms in triumph when at last the buzzer rings. They’ve won, Asuka tells herself, shouting herself hoarse with joy as she grabs Sakura by the arms and swings her around.

The contagious feeling of victory settles over the crowd like a blanket, taking up residence in Asuka’s chest next to the butterflies. She balances on the balls of her feet as she waits outside the gym for Rei, away from the crowds of students and parents alike. Rei will know where to find her, Asuka thinks, and she does.

Even at a distance Asuka knows something is off. She runs over to Rei, supporting the other girl with her body. “Rei,” she says. “Are you okay?”

“Turned my ankle when I fell.” Rei laughs, sounding genuinely amused. “But we had to win, so I kept playing.”

“You idiot!” Asuka pulls Rei against her, stroking her hair. “I mean, congratulations. But you’re still stupid for pushing yourself so hard!”

“Thanks, Asuka.”

“Do you want me to carry you? I will carry you.”

“I’m fine.”

“Well.” Asuka reaches into her pocket and passes Rei a folded square of wrinkled paper. “That’s, uh. My number. In case you need anything, okay?”

Rei looks at the paper, a twinkle in her eye. “You’re not the first number I’ve gotten tonight.”

“Oh. Really?”

“But you’re the only one I’ll keep.” Rei smiles, brushing the back of her hand against Asuka’s cheek. “I should go. Team party.”

“Right. I’ll… see you Monday?”

“Season’s over. No more practices,” says Rei. “I’ll text you.”

She does, after midnight, three words that light up Asuka’s screen and wake her from her sleep.

Meet you tomorrow?

11 AM downtown, Asuka replies, and this time when she sighs it feels as though the butterflies in her stomach have left along with it.

-XIV-

“So can you walk?” Asuka asks when Rei shows up.

“I can,” answers Rei. “Slowly.”

“I wasn’t joking when I said I’d carry you.”

“I know.” Rei looks down, offering Asuka a hand. “I’ll be fine.”

“If you’re sure,” Asuka says, grabbing Rei’s hand. “Anything you want to do?”

“I thought you were supposed to choose, since I asked you on a date.”

Asuka nearly stumbles, catching herself against a light post. “Date?”

“That’s what this is, right? A date?”

“Is it?”

“I… would like it to be,” says Rei.

“Then it is.” Asuka leans forward, bending to Rei’s eye level. “And I want you to kiss me.”

Rei does, and that, Asuka thinks, is the best kiss they’ve had so far.


	5. Prompt: “If only I’d just gone over when she called.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Takes place after Zeruel, again. A lot of stuff fits conveniently after Zeruel.

Misato’s voice still echoes in Asuka’s ears as she stalks through NERV HQ’s empty hallways, following a path burned into her mind from repeated visits. She’s never been a resident of the medical wing, and she intends to keep it that way; it’s the one area in which she beats all the other pilots, as if that pitiful accomplishment is something she can wear as a badge of honor. 

Never had Asuka thought the words “ _Rei is alive”_ would spur her into a frenzy of action, but they have. Anywhere is better than her room in Misato’s apartment, with its floor covered in broken porcelain shards and the ripped pages of magazines. For someone who boasted so often of her bravery, it had taken Asuka thirty minutes to work up the courage to even set foot out of the apartment, much less begin the long commute to NERV. 

The time spent walking the empty streets had given Asuka a perfect idea of what she was going to do. _Get in, say hello. Say you’re glad she’s alright. See where it goes from there,_ Asuka lectures herself for the hundredth time as she slows to examine the door numbers. _Almost there._

She has no expectations that Rei will say anything in return. If anything, she’ll be lucky to get a few confused blinks. Still, Asuka can’t help but hope for more, and she doesn’t dare let herself consider it. The thought of Rei’s smile- something she’s only seen twice, and always directed at Shinji- is shoved down to rest in the pit of her stomach along with all the other possibilities, where Asuka tells herself they won’t touch her. 

Her feet stagger to a halt in front of a closed grey door just like the many others she’d passed. Without her noisy footfalls, the hall is eerily silent. Not even the beeping of vital-measuring machinery punctuates the stillness. But of course that doesn’t, _can’t_ mean Rei is anything other than _okay_ , because Misato had said-

“Just go in,” Asuka murmurs, staring at her hand and willing it to move. “Say hello. Say you’re glad she’s alright.” _Don’t expect anything to happen._

The door creaks open with a hollow groan. Asuka stops just inside, her heart dropping to join the rest of her suppressed emotions pooling in her gut. Her eyes take in the empty bed and the blank machinery, arranged like no one had ever been there. Asuka stands there for a long moment, her eyes unseeing, until she feels a presence behind her. 

“Hey,” Misato says, laying a hand on Asuka’s shoulder. “She’s fine. You just missed her.” 

Asuka snarls and shrugs off Misato’s touch, storming away as she berates herself. _Don’t know why you thought this was a good idea_ , she thinks. _Can’t believe you thought_ Wondergirl _would be your friend. Admit it, you were hoping-_

A sharp crack echoes through the hallway as Asuka’s fist connects with the wall, trembling from the pain that races up her arm.  _If only I’d just gone over when she called._


	6. The Sun and Stars

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> A dream of Asuka's

A dream: she, Rei Ayanami, is there in her school uniform, all perfect white and blue like she usually is. Whenever she appears on the hill overlooking the city with you, she always looks like this.

Rei takes a seat, the damp grass around her rippling and clinging to the pale skin of her legs. As usual, she is silent. It's up to you to say the first words, which you never have, because you're always too uncertain to try. Someday, you tell yourself, tomorrow, the next time. You say you're not afraid of anything, but you can never find the courage to open up to her.

You know this is a dream. You know that the only time you will ever sit anywhere near Rei is in the classroom, that you will avoid her when the sync tests are over, that you will pretend she's nothing more to you than a constant, persisting annoyance. You will do this because you're afraid of being hurt again, of being left behind.

And it will carry over to your dreams. Inevitably, your eyes will fall upon Rei's hand, curled into a half-fist in the grass, soft and inviting. You will always long to reach for it, but you never do; you'll keep making your excuses not to, until it hurts your heart too much to do anything different.

You are Asuka Langley Soryu, and the only thing you fear more in this world than abandonment is Rei Ayanami.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I've actually been doing nothing but writing drabbles for all of January but I'm too lazy to compile and post them all also spoilers. GG Xai


	7. The Moon and Sky

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> A dream of Rei's

It's always the same dream, though you never really acknowledge what it really is until the dream is over, on the verge of crumbing from the force of how fiercely you try to hold it together. It always starts the same. You're in a tower; sometimes you're asleep, supposedly enchanted, but it's worn off and now all you do is lie there, feigning it, because there's nothing better to do. But eventually you wake up, because you hear something: steps.

You haven't heard anyone else's footsteps besides your own in a while, and here's the first thing that lets you know its a dream: someone had to bring you food, right? Not in a dream, but you push the thought aside. The sounds are coming closer now. You can make out metal on stone, the scraping of a gauntlet against the rough-worn granite tower. You're torn with indecision; should you lie on the bed or stand in the center of the room to greet your guest?

Inevitably, you choose to lie down. All the stories you've read include the knight kissing the princess awake, and deviating from the fairytale isn't something you want to do (never mind you've deviated enough; you were never supposed to be awake for this; it's almost a curse that you are, for what comes next).

You know your eyes should be open when the door gets pushed into the wall, but they're not. You don't even get to see the knight that reaches for you, the red hair that you know would be swept back into twin-tails, the piercing eyes that put the summer sky to shame. You've learned across a hundred dreams that here is where the fairytale breaks. There is no knight who is destined to save you. There is no tower, no castle, no enchantment; there is only the Scenario, Commander Ikari, the coldness of the Second Child that hurts you worse than any injury you've suffered.

You hope, one day, that you'll get to see Asuka smile at you. You hope one night that your eyes will be open when she reaches to wake you up from a false slumber, but they never will be. The only time you'll have a chance at that is during Instrumentality, and even then, that's only if she deems you important enough to be the last person she sees, and you know she won't.

All the fairytales you've read, like everything Commander Ikari's ever told you, are a lie. There is no knight coming for you, and you're the villain of this story.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Can you believe there's like 30 of these things


	8. Malfunction

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> AU where Asuka's an interstellar pilot, Rei's her eccentric AI, and Asuka's ship is broken.

"I can't believe I'm stuck in space and the only company I have is you." Asuka's said this line a thousand times in a hundred different ways, averaging on fifteen times an hour now, according to the AI. The AI, Rei, is actually broken. Asuka assumes whatever struck and immobilized her craft also jarred the AI's memory banks- sorry, Rei's memory banks- and now she's stranded in interstellar space with no one but a jabbering AI to talk to.

Asuka's one consolation is that Rei's voice, despite being electronic, is the most soothing thing she's heard in her life. It's soft, but not so much as to be completely ignorable; if anything, Asuka would say it was calibrated specifically to appeal to her. But that isn't a feature of the AI. Asuka would know: she's read the AI manual more times than even she or Rei can keep track of. From this she knows that under normal circumstances, Rei is supposed to keep the systems running at optimal capacity, and that the AI shouldn't be half as chatty as it- she?- is now.

Asuka knows, too, that empathy is never something that was programmed into Rei. That's why she's sure Rei is faulty, but it doesn't stop her from talking to Rei. She's told Rei time and time again to keep the systems running on minimum power and to ignore the stasis pod entirely. If Asuka has any say in how she'll go- and she does- she'll be damned if she does it asleep and numb to the cold.

"Pilot Soryu," Rei intones. "Your rations will only last you thirteen standard days. If you stretch them, you can last twenty-eight. I recommend usage of the stasis pod-"

"Just relax with that, would you?" Asuka laughs, teeth chattering as she shoves her hands under her armpits. "I told you, I'm not giving up like that."

"Despite your protests, your body language suggests the contrary." Rei's red optic core blinks at Asuka from its space by the control panel. Asuka swears she sees the internal core tilting to the side, much like a human might do. "You are resigned."

"You'd be, too, if all you had was space mush for food and recycled piss for water."

"If you enter the stasis pod, your estimated time of survival jumps drastically to nine months, twenty-one days, and-"

"Oh, shut up about that."

A pause, a very human-like one. "I am merely trying to ensure your survival, Pilot Soryu."

"I keep telling you, it's Asuka."

"You have said that two thousand, eight hundred-"

"I don't care how many times I've said it," Asuka groans, sliding out of the hammock she's strung up between one of the hatchways. "I want you to call me Asuka."

"Such casual address is not in my programming-"

"Neither are these stupid emotion-things of yours. I checked."

"Perhaps I am faulty."

"You're not." Asuka groans and drags herself over to the central controls, placing her back against them. The circuits buzz and hum against her skin, not nearly warm enough to transfer heat to Asuka, but it doesn't matter to her. This will be as close to a hug as she and Rei will ever get, and it's enough- not too overt, nothing that'll get Rei's curiosity circuits firing.

"Then what am I, Pilot Soryu?"

"My friend. Duh." Asuka chuckles and rests her head against the edge of the control board.

"You should not do that," Rei says. "The chances of you pressing a button while leaning against the controls are-"

"Rei, come on. We're trapped out here. There isn't much I can screw up by doing this except turn off the life support."

"If you did that..." Rei trails off. She can't seem to find an answer to that; maybe she's struggling to process whether Asuka meant it as a joke or not. "If you did that," she says, and Asuka swears the audio circuits are beginning to fizzle out; she sounds that soft, "I would be sad."

"Would you really?" Asuka shoots back. "You're an AI."

"But you said I felt."

"You do. You just proved it right there."

"I-"

"It's not a bad thing." Asuka strokes the side of the control panel with the flat of her hand and smiles at the red optic lens. "It just means when whatever happens happens... well what're you gonna do?"

"My mission was to escort you to the Alpha Centauri space station. In the unlikely event that this craft is picked up before I lose power entirely, I... will probably opt for a memory reset. Events such as these are too... too..."

"Distressing?" Asuka volunteers, that smile still on her face.

"Yes. That is an apt term for it."

"That's a shame. You could be something different, you know? Make this entire fuck-up not be such a waste."

"I would not be so different without you guiding me, Pilot Soryu."

"Aww, look at you. You're caring."

"Would you prefer I did not?"

"Nah. Wouldn't have you any other way."

"Is that so?"

"Yeah. You know, when I left Earth, I didn't have any friends. You know that, right?"

"Of course. It is on your personnel file."

"I found one up here. That says something, doesn't it?"

"Something about your boredom, or your state of mind?"

"Maybe it says something about your shit humor." Asuka laughs again, a quiet, wheezing sound. "Rei? Before they wipe you, at least let 'em take a look in your circuits. Maybe I can do some good for this whole operation after all, with you."

"You sound like you are giving up."

"After all this, could you blame me?"

There is no response from Rei- just the clicking of machinery and instruments, and the ever-present drone of the oxygen scrubbers. Then, in the background, a humming: the sound of the heaters being activated.

"Rei?" Asuka taps the side of the control panel. "Hey. I love your faulty AI ass and all, but didn't we agree to keep the power down to a minimum?"

"You cannot be comfortable in this cold, Pilot Soryu."

"Yeah, but if you run the heater I'll run out of power before I run out of food-"

"Can I take this to mean you have not given up?"

"Of course not. What've I been telling you this entire time?"

"Then I suggest you assume your flight seat, Asuka."

"Huh?" Asuka places a hand on the pilot's seat, hauls herself up into position. Her eyes sweep reflexively over the instruments, checking the fuel gauges, the CO2 levels, the watt usage. She flinches at the needle measuring the power usage; it's higher now that the heaters are on, but then her gaze falls upon a single, blinking light, one that she's never seen active before. "Rei?" she asks. "What's that?"

"Receiving interstellar communication, Pilot Soryu. Estimated distance is from two hours of spaceflight away."

"Of course, Pilot Soryu."

"It's Asuka."

"Perhaps some day I will get it right," Rei says, and Asuka swears there's a hint of laughter in that artificial voice. "I am faulty, after all."

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> One drabble per day until Valentine's Day, here we come


	9. Return

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Ain't no Asurei like P3I Asurei

Asuka isn't sure whether Shinji was trying to kill her or not, but he's gone now, leaving behind only a few red marks on Asuka's neck and footprints on the beach. Asuka remains motionless, unable to move. The time has come in; she feels cold water biting at her heels, but she can't seem to make herself move. Whatever strength she'd mustered up to touch the side of Shinji's face has deserted her now, just like Shinji has. And it makes sense. Eventually, everyone Asuka comes across will leave, most sooner than she would have liked.

A large wave crashes against the shore, white foam tickling Asuka's legs. For the first time Asuka realizes she might be in danger of drowning, should the waves climb high enough. The thought fails to disturb her. No kind of death could be as painful, as humiliating as being torn open by abominations that refused to die. Asuka's killed horrors with the abilities of gods, had her mind invaded by one, and yet it's the thought of gods made by men that makes her stomach recoil with fear. It would make sense: leave it to man to create the things that would terrify his kind the most. Asuka wonders, for a fleeting moment, if those creatures were shaped with her particularly in mind; dismisses this as stupid. SEELE wouldn't have known Asuka would've been the one to come to the fight. Asuka refuses to believe she would ever sink to such a level of predictability.

There's a flicker on the shore nearby. It disrupts Asuka's thoughts; her eyes, the only parts of her that can still move, slide away from the sky to the beach. Nothing: no footprints, no Shinji coming up along the coast. Then there's another movement, a close rippling in the air of white and blue, and Rei is standing in her school uniform over Asuka.

'Wondergirl?' Asuka wonders. She refuses to acknowledge Rei's presence aloud, and even if she wanted to, she still cannot move.

'Yes?' Rei's voice echoes in Asuka's mind, like a gentle humming and the ocean breeze blended together.

'Get out of my head!' Asuka makes to try and swat the air around her head; her arm shifts feebly in the sand. 'Why are you here, anyway?'

'You called for me, did you not?'

'No!' Asuka narrows her eyes, wishing she could break free of her self-induced paralysis to lash out at the image of Rei, maybe prove it's a hallucination, an illusion of her own making. Never mind that she'd considered, for only a moment, how her final stand might have gone had Rei been there to help, or if Rei had set off Instrumentality earlier.

Surprise floods through Asuka's body. She knows this emotion isn't hers- it's Rei's, and that startles her. She'd never realized it was possible for Rei to feel anything so strongly, or maybe it's only because she's sharing a mind she can mimic the emotions of. 'Why do you think I abandoned you?' Rei asks. 'I left you alone, as you asked.'

'I don't think that!'

'You do.' Rei plunges into Asuka's mind, brushing through her thoughts in search of one in particular. 'You believe pilots have a duty to protect one another. You believe you were forsaken.'

'Isn't that what happened? You left me as bait for the Fifteenth Angel! You never visited me! You never cared!'

'You left us too, Soryu. You ran away.'

'You left me first!'

The apparition of Rei tilts her head back and stares at the sky with translucent eyes. 'Did I?' Asuka hears her wonder, and there's a thought of Rei's pushing at her mind, a realization. She'd denied Asuka's request of friendship. 'Is that why you wished for my presence?'

'I didn't ask for anything!'

'You must have, or else I would not be here.'

'Well I don't want you here. Go away!'

'Is that the truth?' Rei fixes her eyes on Asuka, and even though she's half-transparent Asuka still feels like ice is sliding along her spine. 'Do not lie to yourself, Asuka. The world is being remade anew. There is no reason you cannot do the same.'

Asuka huffs, scattering grains of sand across her chest. 'Why do you care all of a sudden? You never have. All you cared about was your stupid Commander and his idiot son.'

'Do you wish to know the truth, Soryu?' Rei tilts her head, and though she does not move, Asuka swears the world around her does- a shuddering. 'The truth is that I did not know what to do with you at the time. You had so many emotions, and you were not afraid to show them. You were the opposite of me. I chose to ignore you, rather than have to face you.'

'You? Afraid?' Asuka scoffs. 'Do you even know what the word means?'

'I cannot be certain. Regardless of what I felt, I know what I feel now. I regret that I was not able to bond with you as I did with Ikari. Had we spoken to each other more often, perhaps what happened to you would not have occurred.'

'Rei Ayanami, admitting she made a mistake?' Asuka rolls her eyes at the purple sky. 'The world really has ended, hasn't it?'

'You say this as if you do not regret, too.' Asuka feels the presence of Rei wandering through her memories again, pulling one out. 'This. You regret this?'

Asuka closes her eyes, but that does not stop the images from filling her mind: her failed kiss with Shinji, the way her knuckles trembled around the edge of the bathroom sink, the warmth that was absent from that moment. Then that fades, and Asuka is aware that Rei is closer to her now, kneeling directly over her. 'Why?' Rei asks. 'Why do you find that to be something you regret?'

'I don't know!' Asuka snaps. 'Maybe for the same reason you regret what happened between us. I didn't know what else to do! I didn't want him to know I- how I felt!'

'I understand.' Something brushes Asuka's cheek, too gentle to be sand, too dry to be the water. Asuka's eyes fly open, and she sees Rei's fingers brushing the side of her face.

'What are you doing?'

'Attempting to fix my regret.' Rei's fingers pass through Asuka's hair, and yet Asuka feels it moving back, tucked behind her ear. 'I cannot manifest in this world yet. There is still much that needs to be done. But I can do this.' 

'Do what?'

Rei bends at the waist, presses her mouth to Asuka's. The chill that's taken hold in Asuka's spine becomes a burning; Asuka's eyes go wide, and it feels as though her entire body is being flooded with electricity. Then Rei sits back up, eyes fixed on the horizon, that distant look that Asuka knows so well returning to her face. 'I hope that is enough,' Rei says. 'I must go, now. I hope in this world, you will find no reason to regret, Asuka.'

Rei pats Asuka's cheek one last time, then disappears. She doesn't move, or Asuka doesn't see her do it: one moment she's there, and the next there is only the white beach and the open sky.

Asuka blinks once, twice. A wave splashes against the shore, spraying droplets of water onto Asuka's arm. She shakes them off, sits up, and is halfway through brushing herself off before it hits her that she can move again.


	10. Transcendence

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> AU based on a tumblr prompt where someone can see their red string of fate, and theirs extends past the sky.

Sometime during the age of 13, every human child discovers that a red string has been tied to their wrist during the night. Attempts to remove it prove the string intangible. They'll tell someone, often a parent, and that parent will explain that the red string will lead them to their soulmate, and if they're lucky, maybe they'll be close.

At the age of 13, Asuka Langley Soryu's string extends up into the stars. 

It's easy for her to ignore it, in a sense. When she walks, she doesn't have to worry about seeing it randomly drift across her path, indicating that her soulmate is moving. The string just drifts in and out of her vision like a rather large, persistent floater. 

Over time, she learns to ignore it.

Friends ask her about her string. She lies and says it stretches far beyond the horizon. Such occurrences aren't uncommon. Maybe later she'll try and find whoever's at the other end, she says, and her friends are satisifed.

Or maybe, Asuka thinks, maybe there's no one at the other end, and Asuka's string only goes up because it has nowhere else to go. And where Asuka will sometimes be walking along and spot a passerby's eyes dart suddenly to the side, Asuka will never suffer from that same problem. Her string is stationary, predictable. She has no reason to expect anything else.

One day, in her first year at college, she meets a boy in one of her classes. His eyes are like hers: staring forward, never darting to the sides. Occasionally, when the lectures are boring and there's nothing better to do, he stares at the ceiling. It isn't the stare of someone trapped for another forty-five minutes: rather, he appears to be looking for something. Asuka approaches him, and there's a brief exchange.

"Yours goes up?" Asuka asks. She doesn't want to elaborate any further than that.

And she doesn't need to. The boy nods, then gathers his things and shoves them hastily in his bag. When he reaches the door, he turns back. "I'm Shinji," he says.

"Asuka," Asuka replies, and Shinji skitters out the door.

They talk again the following week after class. "Do you think there's actually anyone up there?" Shinji asks. "Like... aliens?"

"I wouldn't be surprised," Asuka says. "But what kind of alien would get a human soulmate?"

"I don't know."

And they don't speak of it again.

Not until another day late in the year, when the hold of winter has just touched the earth and carpeted it with snow. Asuka's string jerks; her head snaps instinctively to follow the foreign motion, just in time to see Shinji slowly turn his head as well. 

A moment passes. The string doesn't move. Shinji turns back, and his gaze meets Asuka's. Asuka nods without prompting, and that's enough to tell Shinji that she's seen what he has. 

They wait until the class ends, then set off in the direction of their strings without saying a word. There are things that need to be said, but that they refuse to vocalize. After a lifetime of stasis, an active string is something to be pursued: what if the being at the other end retreats back upwards, or they get killed? These are strange thoughts, but no stranger than Asuka and Shinji's journey up into the wooded area behind the college, far beyond the swimming pool and the greenhouse.

About half an hour after they've left the paved concrete roads, there's a shift. Asuka steps left, Shinji steps right. They pause, uncertain, and look up. "Mine goes this way," Shinji says, and points up into the forest. His voice is hoarse, no doubt from the excitement, or perhaps the exertion. Asuka checks her own string again: it leads away from Shinji's.

"Mine goes that way," Asuka says with a jerk of her head. 

Shinji lowers his eyes, nods. Of course they'd run into something like this, where they must continue their journeys alone. "If we don't find them before midnight, turn around?" he asks.

"If there's no other choice," Asuka replies. She knows neither of them will be turning back, should night fall upon their search. This feels like a once in a lifetime chance, and it might be just that. 

"Well," Shinji says. "Good luck."

He turns and continues into the forest, his blue jacket disappearing amongst the trees. Asuka doesn't watch him go; she pivots on her heel and continues through the deepening snow drifts.

The sun dips low, its light choked out by the multitude of trees, but still Asuka can see her thread before her, bobbing along like a flurry in the wind. She's close to the end now, she can feel it in her bones, a faint warmth to combat the chill. She wonders if Shinji's also close to finding whoever it is that's on the other end of his string, wonders if fate would be so cruel as to only reward one of them.

Asuka jumps over a fallen log and stumbles into a circular clearing. It's freshly made, if the tens of felled trees are any indicator; at the center of it is a patch of earth devoid of snow. And there in the clearing, a shimmering: a faint disturbance of the air that Asuka wouldn't have noticed had her string not lead right to it.

The disturbance drifts closer. Asuka stumbles back, her feet tangling in one of the many branches. She falls onto her back, attempting to scramble away, but the disturbance looms over her. There's a feeling like static running over the skin of her cheek, over her lips. A moment later she's being pulled to her feet by a pale hand, and the disturbance is gone.

Instead, there's a girl there, just shorter than Asuka. Her hair is a silvery-blue color, like that of an icicle, and her eyes are a deep red. She regards Asuka curiously, ignoring the cold and the lack of clothes on her body. "Are you who I'm looking for?" the girl asks. 

The best Asuka can offer is a shrug. It seems as though her mouth has forgotten how to work; it hangs open slightly, having abandoned any attempt at coherent speech. 

"Yes," the girl says, answering her own question. "You are the one I came here for. My name is Rei. Can you understand me?"

"Uh." Asuka blinks, shaking her head to try and regain control of herself. "Yeah. I can understand you. Are you sure you've got the right person?"

"It is you." Rei holds up her hand and makes a gesture that escapes Asuka, but she can see the other end of the red thread on Rei's wrist. "Since you are not correcting me, you must be."

"I don't understand," Asuka says. "What are you doing here?"

"I could not find my counterpart on the world I was born on. Logically, it meant my counterpart was born on another world."

"And is that uncommon?"

"It is rare, yes, but not unheard of. I came here with one other who appeared to have the same destination as me."

"Oh." Asuka's eyes wander the clearing, searching for another twisting of the air, for any sign of Shinji. From the paths they took when they parted ways, it would seem that Shinji's partner has landed far from this place. "So you've found me. Now what?"

"I don't know," says Rei. "When I left to come here, the elders who sent me said I would know what to do once I had found you."

"Well, you can put some clothes on."

"Clothes? On our world, we have no need for such things."

"Unless you want to get stared at and probably arrested, you'll wear something. Here." Asuka shrugs off her heavy outer coat and offers it to Rei, who takes it and holds it in front of her. "Just put your arms through the holes."

"Interesting. Thank you."

Rei slips into Asuka's coat, leaving the front unbuttoned. The sleeves droop an inch from where they end, shielding Rei's hands from the cold, though Asuka doesn't think she needs it. "You're doing it wrong," she sighs, though there's no frustration in her tone. Perhaps it's the exhilaration of finally finding her soulmate, or just the novelty of this entire situation. She walks forward and with trembling fingers does up the buttons on Rei's coat. "There. Better."

"Wait," Rei says, extending a sleeve in Asuka's direction. "I do not know your name."

"I'm Asuka. Nice to meet you Rei, I guess."

"Yes. It is nice to meet you." Rei turns her head, taking in the forest and the night sky above, and the little white cloud of vapor that her breath makes in front of her. "This is such a curious planet."

"You'll have to tell me all about it," Asuka says. "From what you're saying, your home sounds pretty boring."

"It is not, though it will take me a long time to explain it to you."

"We have time. We're partners, right?" Asuka chuckles, then grabs Rei's sleeve and begins pulling her along. "Don't answer that. Come here. I want to show you something."

"What is it?"

"Just come with me. You'll see."

Together they leave the clearing behind, following Asuka's footprints back down the hill. Asuka notes that Rei's feet are still bare, but she doesn't seem to be suffering because of the cold. She wonders if Rei's used to it, or if she simply doesn't feel like a human does. 

They come at last to a place where the trees grow thinner, close to where Asuka and Shinji split apart. "Here," Asuka says, and pulls them away from the trail of her tracks. "Look."

Between the leafless branches of the trees there is a glimmer of gold. Rei pushes past the trunks and wanders to the edge of the hill, staring down at the buildings below. 

"That's called a city," Asuka says. "We live in them. They light up at night."

"Like the stars?" says Rei.

"Well... kind of, I guess."

"I see." Rei turns to Asuka, eyes settling on her face with a smile. "This is a beautiful world, Asuka. I am glad that I was able to find you here."

"Yeah, well..." Asuka sighs and reaches for Rei's sleeve, pulling it up past her wrist so she can twine their fingers together. "I'm glad you came here, so I can share it with you."

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> For Relithee, my AU partner


	11. Azure

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Rei and the color red have a strange relationship. So do she and the Second.

There are things in life, Rei has come to notice, that people say should come together. Moths and flame. The sun and moon. Red and blue.

She disagrees in particular with that last one. She hates red- the color of blood, of life, and yet whenever she looks at herself, she see it reflected back in her eyes. It would be so much easier had her eyes been blue like the rest of her, so she could pass by her own reflection and not have to be reminded of that feeling of hatred, the one disruption in her otherwise emotionless constant.

The Second Child bothers her, too. She's all red, except her eyes, which are blue like the open ocean stretching away from the coast, and hiding just as many things. That's the color of blue that Rei finds herself wishing for, the shade that inhabits her dreams. In them she imagines the water passing over her, clean and tasteless, unlike LCL. Rei doesn't drown in those dreams, but she thinks she wouldn't mind if she did- it'd be just like a sync test, having the LCL fill her lungs, only there'd be the sun above her and the last thing she would see would be blue.

Rei finds herself drawn to it- to the open sky, to the pool. But where there is blue, there is also red- the sun, burning; Asuka, persistent in her attempts to befriend, or at least try to talk to, the First Child. And Rei can close her eyes and shut out the sun or turn her head, but she can't get rid of Asuka so easily. It seems nothing Rei does will stop Asuka from following her, from speaking to her when all she wants is silence.

Then, one day after a sync test, Asuka doesn't follow Rei when she turns towards the pool instead of the elevators. It's what she's wished for- the stillness of the water all to herself, but it feels like there's something missing. The splashes she makes as she moves through the water are far too loud, nothing like the quiet strokes that Rei recalls in the half-waking moments before dreams.

Her thoughts shift now to the Second Child and her inane ramblings. Rei pushes off the bottom of the pool with her toes, floating across on her back. She remembers the Second saying her favorite color was red. Another thing to dislike about her- but maybe that impression was wrong. Rei is not as loathe to admit her mistakes as Asuka is. Maybe Asuka's just doing what Rei is, too: seeking out the color that calls to her most. Maybe driving her away with cold indifference has only caused them both trouble.

There's a shift in the air, the faint scrape of slippers on tiles. Rei opens her eyes and floats upright, settling her feet on the bottom.

The Second Child is standing at the entrance to the pool, towel under her arm and a frown on her face. She doesn't say anything as she stomps over, tossing her towel down and leaving her slippers beside them. It's unlike her to be this quiet, but maybe she's pieced together the same things Rei has, and realized that her silent company will be worth more to the First than anything she would have to say.

Only, that's not quite right. They've both got bits of it wrong. Red and blue do go together, Rei thinks, watching Asuka lower herself into the opposite end. She looks up at the sound of splashing, confused eyes taking in Rei's approach.

"Your day," Rei says once she's drawn close enough. "How was it?"

"I thought you didn't care about what I had to say," Asuka huffs. Her lip is pushed outward in a pout, narrowed eyes carefully avoiding Rei's.

"We cannot become friends if you are unwilling to talk to me."

Asuka's mouth opens and closes, but not a single sound emerges. She pushes off from the wall, paddles half a lap around the pool before swimming directly towards Rei. "Fine," she says. "But you promise me you won't go back to ignoring me, you got that?"

It's proof that Rei is correct, at least about this one thing. Asuka, for some reason, requires Rei's presence, much like Rei longs for hers. "I promise," Rei says. Asuka nods and bows her head, obviously in thought. Rei leans onto her back, letting the water support her. As she paddles away, her eyes meet with Asuka's and hold her gaze for a long, breathless second.

She is surrounded by blue, but it's the little bit in Asuka's eyes that makes Rei feel like she's been submerged in warm, welcoming water.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> No one could stop me from naming this short Azure and also I couldn't think of anything else to call it


	12. Did you never want to be alone

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> For irrational-shutin on tumblr. Prompt: canon-complement asurei: post-Zeruel hurt/comfort, with the caveat of the two of them having an established relationship

It hurts Asuka to have to hide her concern for Rei until they’ve dragged her and her EVA back into the base, but she keeps it hidden beneath a thin, constantly-shifting layer of near-explosive rage. In truth, it’s not the damage done to her EVA that angers her, but rather that she couldn’t do anything when Rei appeared with an N2 warhead under her EVA’s arm. 

She saw the blue EVA charging the Fourteenth Angel, and she was certain for a moment that she was watching her girlfriend run towards the open, bloodstained arms of death. 

Asuka still doesn’t know whether Rei made it or not. She wants to believe she did, but that they’re recovering Unit-02 first says enough in itself. If they aren’t retrieving the Commander’s precious pet first, there has to be something wrong. 

An image flashes across the insides of her eyelids- Rei, her blue hair drenched red, eyes dulled and half-closed. No, that couldn’t be reality. Rei had promised she’d never leave. Asuka remembers the words, whispered to her under the blankets of her bed, their one safe haven from NERV’s numerous methods of surveillance and the constant threat of Angels. 

Rei has to be alive. She promised.

The retrieval crews pull Unit-02′s armless, headless body into the main pyramid. Asuka staggers out of her entry plug, patting herself to make sure everything’s in one piece. Her arms ache at the places where they join to her shoulders, but they’re functional- she’s unharmed. 

Asuka looks up at Misato, and the Major’s face is cautiously blank. “Shinji,” Asuka gasps, demanding an answer. “Wonder Girl.”

The medics come with a gurney to wheel Asuka out on. Misato doesn’t say a word. Not as they lift Asuka and strap her down, not as they carry her from the EVA bays to the medical wing. 

Asuka doesn’t say anything, either.

Rei is alive, but she won’t be released from the med wing for at least another week. Shinji is… Misato refuses to say he’s  _gone_ , but they all know that whoever goes into an EVA’s core never comes out, at least not  _right_. Asuka fidgets with the collar of her shirt as she rides the elevator down to Rei’s floor, remembering the feeling of fingers on her neck. There are some things that don’t fade with time, and that sensation is one of them.

She tries not to hurry visibly when the elevator stops, but she can’t help it. She needs to know how Rei is, what damage has been done, if Rei thinks it’s all her fault. Asuka throws the door open to Rei’s room, and she’s greeted with the scent of cleaners and fresh linens- the too-familiar scent that lingered in her mother’s room. 

For a moment, Asuka staggers on the threshold, unwilling to cross. Then the girl on the bed turns her head, and bright red eyes sparkle at Asuka, lighting up with their first spark of joy in several long days. “Soryu,” the First Child says. “Come in.”

Asuka manages to stumble over to Rei’s bedside, the door slamming shut behind her. “I’m sorry,” she says, collapsing to her knees next to the bed. “You’re hurt. It’s-”

“It is not your fault, Asuka.” Rei’s hand slides slowly across the sheets, resting atop Asuka’s head. Her fingers glide through Asuka’s red hair, attempting to soothe her. “The Angel was too strong for either of us. You bought me the necessary time for me to mount my offensive.”

“Yeah, but you got hurt!” Asuka protests. “If I hadn’t-”

“Did we not agree, when we entered this relationship, that you would not blame yourself so frequently?” Rei’s fingers brush Asuka’s cheek, too weak to try and lift her head up, but Asuka understand what it is that Rei wants. She rises to her feet, pulling a chair up to the bed and sitting. 

“Okay, fine,” she sighs. “If it’s not my fault, whose fault is it?”

“It is no one’s. We were simply unprepared for such an assault.”

“That isn’t very comforting.”

“I apologize. Comforting is not my specialty.”

Asuka turns her head, fighting down the burning wave of guilt that rises persistently within her. She notes the bandages on Rei’s legs- not broken, but scraped from when her body was thrown against the entry plug walls. There are similar bandages across her arms and torso, concealing the depth of Rei’s injuries from Asuka’s worried gaze. 

“Asuka.” Rei’s hand touches hers, and when she looks at Rei, the other girl has a smile on her face, as if she’d known that Asuka would be concerned about this. “I am fine. I will be well within a few more days. You are far too worried about me.”

“I still don’t like this,” Asuka mumbles. A moment later she feels a tug on her hand, then another. “What is it?” 

“Come here,” Rei says, and pats the space beside her.

“What? No. What if I- aren’t you hurt?”

“I trust you will not do such a thing.”

“And what if someone walks in? What if someone tells the Commander?”

“No one will interrupt us. The only company I am given is when my meals are brought. I will warn you before that happens.” Rei’s fingers pull on Asuka’s hand again, and this time when Asuka looks up she sees a profound sort of longing in Rei’s eyes- the kind she remembers seeing in her own reflection, gazing upon Kyoko. 

“Alright,” Asuka says, standing and waiting for Rei to move to the side. She clambers in slowly, so as not to accidentally brush against Rei’s injuries, but such caution seems unneeded. Rei welcomes her with open arms as soon as she’s fully situated on the bed, wrapping them around Asuka’s stomach and snuggling against her chest. 

“Hey. What’s this about?” asks Asuka. Rei merely shakes her head, buries it deeper in Asuka’s shirt, inhaling her scent. Asuka places her chin atop Rei’s head and does the same, and though it’s dulled by the smell of disinfectant, she can smell the shampoo that was used to wash Rei’s hair after she was retrieved. “Rei?” Asuka says. “I came as soon as I found out where you were.”

“I know,” answers Rei. “I can feel it.”

“You can?”

“Yes. I can tell by how you hold me. You have been worried, and now you are afraid you will injure me more.” Rei looks up, a frail smile crossing her face. “Rest assured that you will not.”

“You say that like I’m not going to accidentally bump you and make you stay here for another day or two.”

“I know you will not. I trust you.” Rei pauses, and her next words are soft, as though the question hidden in them is too timid to be brought forth. “And I know you love me.”

“Of course I do.” Asuka releases her hold on Rei, takes her by the shoulders and begins to move her. She is met with an inquisitive glance, Rei’s mouth opening slightly to ask her something. “Trust me,” she says.

Rei nods, relaxing against Asuka’s touch. Asuka turns her until she’s on her side, her back facing towards Asuka. She slides her arms around Rei’s waist, finding her hands and joining them together. “There,” she says, placing her head on Rei’s shoulder. “Is this alright?”

Rei doesn’t answer, not verbally. Instead she presses herself against Asuka’s body, eyes sliding shut as she rests her head against the pillow. It occurs to Asuka, as she watches Rei succumb to the temptation of sleep, that this is the safest she’s felt since Kyoko left her, safer than even inside an EVA 

 


	13. Confession

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Because I realized I forgot to post this and irrational-shutin needs their daily dose of Asurei

Asuka's had her own thoughts about why Rei looks the way she does, but the truth is something she's never thought to consider, let alone something she would think to be true. But it is- Rei is a clone, and Rei is an Angel.

Rei stands across the room from Asuka, head bowed, hands clasped in front of her. Asuka can't see her eyes through the bangs that drape before them, but she knows Rei well enough to know she's on the verge of crying. "I wanted to tell you before," she says. "But I didn't, because-"

"Because you thought I'd reject you?" asks Asuka. Rei's head jerks up and down, and a few tears sneak past her guard, dripping to the floor of the dummy plug plant. "You didn't have to tell me."

"But you deserve to know," Rei says. She does not sniffle, nor let on any indication that she's crying aside from the slight trembling of her shoulders. "It's not fair to you, loving something like me-"

"Stop talking about yourself like that!" Asuka steps forward, her hands gripping Rei's shoulders. "You say that like you're a thing and not a person-"

"Am I not?"

"You're Rei Ayanami."

"There have been others."

"I don't care about that! You're the Rei that I know, who I fell for. If I changed my mind just because of what you were, that wouldn't be love, would it?"

"No. I suppose... it wouldn't."

"See? There you go." Asuka's arms slide around Rei's shoulders, bringing them together. "Don't cry, Rei. There's nothing to be sad about."

"I'm not sad any longer. I'm happy."

"Happy?"

"That I am lucky enough to be the one you chose to love." Rei lifts her head, resting it against Asuka's neck. "That perhaps I do not have to fulfill my original purpose; that I can live knowing I was made for something else."

"And what would that be?"

"To be loved by you, Asuka, and to love you in return."

"In that case," Asuka says, tilting her head to kiss Rei's cheek, "you're doing a perfect job."


	14. The Back of Beyond

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Asuka talks to the Ayanami Type. Post-3.33 in the desert.

Asuka's always loved the color red, but the crimson desert brings her to the edge of recanting that decision, and the blue sky just makes her already existing hatred to a peak. It doesn't help that the days have begun to blur together, and she can only mark their passing by counting which days the Ayanami-type has spoken to her, which are a grand total of two. They've never held an actual conversation; the first time, the Ayanami-type asked where WILLE was, and the second she'd merely said Asuka's name.

That was it.

So when she speaks for a third time, actually stringing together a sentence, Asuka almost trips over her feet in surprise.

"Shikinami, why did I eject?"

Asuka splutters, her mind moving sluggishly as it tries to come up with an answer. "What, you're still on about that? It's been..." _Empty cans; dragging Shinji; Asuka flinging her arms out and hiding her companions under a cover of red earth as a NERV drone passes above._ Time is fluid before Asuka's comprehension, and she snarls at the ground that has made her perceptions untrustworthy. "It's been at least a week!"

"And yet I still cannot find an answer."

"Well, you're the first one who's even bothered listening to me, so there's something in that." Asuka scowls, rubbing the back of her head as the Ayanami-type blinks curiously, stopping and staring at Asuka. "What do you want? It's creepy when you do that."

"The first. There have been others before me." She says it as a statement, not a question, with an almost unnoticed slumping of her shoulders. Asuka notices, though; she's noticed everything the Ayanami-type had to offer in the past days. By now, she knows that a lowering of those red eyes means doubt, two blinks means confusion, and that little downward jerk of her shoulders means she's _thinking_.

"Not this again. Look, how many times do I have to tell you? You're your own person, and that's that! You're not Rei Ayanami; you just look like her, so stop trying to act like her!"

"Is that not my job?"

Asuka grits her teeth, her pent-up anger from the previous week- _weeks?-_ exploding outward all at once. "No! You're supposed to be _yourself_! Not whatever NERV wants, not what that brat Shinji wants, not whatever Misato wants once we get to WILLE. _Yourself!_ Can't you understand that already?!"

Asuka huffs, ready to move on, jerking at Shinji's arm. When she's gone a few paces, she notices the Ayanami-type still hasn't moved. There's a sadness in her eyes that Asuka's never seen before, never even considered her capable of.

"I have never been told what 'being yourself' means."

"It's..." The redhead groans, her feet scraping at the dirt impatiently. "You just _are_ , you know? It's what you do. For yourself, for others- I can't really explain it. But don't just let others tell you who to be."

The Ayanami-type nods slowly, considering Asuka's words. Then she tilts her head to the side, something Asuka's never seen before, even with Rei those long fourteen years ago. "Shikinami? If... you were me... what would you do?"

"What? Why are you asking me? I don't- ugh." Asuka sighs, fighting down the urge to yell again. "Well... do you want to be alive, or not?"

"I don't know."

"Hopeless. Look, Ayanami-" Asuka falters; the last time she called any Rei by name was just before the Ninth Angel attacked- "If you don't know what you want, just stay here and NERV will pick you back up. If you do want to come with me, I'm gonna keep moving. It shouldn't be far until WILLE can pick up my signal. Got it?"

The Ayanami-type blinks twice as Asuka grabs Shinji's wrist, hauling him up the nearest hill. Surprisingly, she feels nervous once Asuka's vanished from sight, and she scans the empty skies for any sign of activity, NERV or WILLE. There is none. _To wait is to die¸_ she realizes. _And to go with Asuka is..._ To live would be a generous statement. Even Asuka has said she isn't sure if WILLE is still looking for them. _Then if it is not to live, it is to trust._

Staggering at first, the Ayanami-type runs after Asuka, catching up to her in less than a minute. Asuka smiles when she sees her, a spark lighting up in her one visible eye. The Ayanami-type opens her mouth to speak, only to emit a puzzled _hm?_ as Asuka grabs her hand, pulling her along. She looks down at their joined hands, her grasp tightening on Asuka's, and the other pilot looks back.

"What is it?"

The Ayanami-type pauses, pressing her lips together before saying, "It's warm."

Asuka scoffs, but there's no hiding the blush rising to her cheeks. "You're getting there," she says, more amused than anything else, and sets off again, occasionally looking over her shoulder at the Ayanami-type.

Once, when she looks back, there's a smile on her face: the kind that Rei used to give to Shinji, but different, as if someone took it and changed it a little. _Finally, some improvement,_ she thinks, and just as she does, the transponder in her backpack begins clicking. 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> irrational-shutin made me go through my archives and I realized I never posted this like, anywhere, ever.


	15. Eject

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Wesakechak and I challenged each other to write a fic in exactly 25 words so this was my contribution.

Why wasn't Shikinami firing?

She should be, given the circumstances.

 _Do what you want!_ Asuka shouted.

Ayanami wanted to live.

It was because of Asuka. 

* * *

 

_And a quick one for r0sie-p0sies:_

Mari, wreathed in sunlight, pressed her hand to Yui's cheek. 

"Stay with me." 

Yui wished she was brave enough to touch Mari back.

"I can't." 

 

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I've got like 3 fics outlined and 1 that's been in WIP limbo since December I swear I'll finish it sometime... How is the series end to Distant Feelings longer than the first 3 parts of it? Logic, that's why.
> 
> _Wait, did I just put Yuimari in an Asurei compilation? Yes. Yes I did. Oh well._

**Author's Note:**

> I so did not edit any of this and I apologize for any typos. There are some. I just know it.


End file.
